What are we teaching our girls??

After school each day my kiddos play at a nearby playground. It’s so nice to be outside in the fresh air at the end of a day. Great way to wind down. And while it still gets dark early I figure it’s best to get the time in then rather than after we get home—and to only have like 5 minutes of daylight.

The attack

The following instance happened before the Christmas break.

I was accosted on the playground by a 7 year old Karen. 

She said:

“Do you cover up your face because you’re old? Cuz your hair looks old.” 

Man oh man.

No, I wasn’t offended by what she said. Sure, I have grey hair but that doesn’t mean I’m old.

But how she said it immediately made me wonder: Does she hear her mother or grandmother say self-deprecating comments like this? If they say these things to themselves how could they not say it to her?

In fact, I feel so bad for her …

The little girl

Since the day I first met my daughter I’ve been calling her beautiful. In my head, out loud, to others—cuz it needs to be said. She is indeed the most beautiful girl I’ve ever encountered.

When I wake her up in the morning I call her beautiful. And any time a compliment could be said, I do not hold back.

Growing up, compliments (specifically about looks) were purposefully withheld from me and my sisters. I was told, after the fact, that that was practiced to make sure we didn’t get big heads. I don’t know, but help me make that make sense …

Pointing out negative qualities was no issue though and unfortunately I don’t think I will soon forget what were deemed my “problem areas.” Words can be so hurtful sometimes you know …

Thoughts and opinions

Today I don’t care much about not being told I was pretty or anything. In either direction comments (meaning good or bad) are really not that earth-shattering when you know your worth in Christ. And so I’ve determined not to let my daughter feel the way I often did.

(Maybe I should share the story sometime of why I no longer own my wedding dress).

In my opinion (with experience) nobody has any business criticizing you if they will not also find something positive. So even if they say something classless (like that poor girl at the park) I/you don’t have to accept it as truth.

Back when I was in college all freshman were required to take a speech class. (Bane of my academic existence.) But it’s where I learned “the sandwich method” for giving constructive criticism. So after anyone performed, the floor was opened for observations. Our teachers would remind us to share a positive/negative/positive. I mean, it makes sense and I practice it in real life. But I cringe thinking back on those days … who knows how I passed two years of those courses!

The grace

Recently I overheard a young dad of a daughter share about how his wife tells their daughter she’s “fancy” when she gets dressed up and whatnot. That struck a cord with me because I need to make sure I am not associating putting on makeup or a fancy dress with being beautiful. (I’m sure I don’t but it was a good checkpoint.) Those things just add to a girl’s natural and inner, true beauty.

So the next time we did my girl’s hair up real nice I made sure to point out that her hair looked so fancy.

Once in a blue moon someone will be in such awe about my hair color and go on and on about it (it’s silver, remember?).

The last time it was said to me the girl said, “You must get this all the time!” (I don’t really; but from time to time. In fact, before I wore glasses it was blue eyes that gave pause.)

Sure, it’s nice when someone notices. But that’s not where the true value lies.

Talk to you soon!