Yep, I’m talking about babies

Hearing from others

You know you’ve reached a new level of friendship with other parents when they take the liberty to ask you if you’re wanting to have more kids or if you’re all done. Usually their question comes with an apology as if they’ve asked a too-personal question.

But I’m usually okay with that.

Talking about babies is one of my most favorite things.

Sometime after friends of ours had their fourth child, the dad was over for dinner with us (his wife and kids were out of town) and he expressed to us that before that last child arrived, he felt that there was someone missing at his dining room table.

And I just love that so much.

So, it appears that some parents just know in their souls that there is a baby-shaped hole in their life. Which is something they can fix.

A mom friend of mine who actually also had her fourth a little bit ago said she knew that she had had her last when she met the fourth one on his birthday. As soon as he was laid on her chest–and even before she found out he was a he (they now have 2 and 2)–she just knew.

So, for this mom, when she finally met that final little one, she realized her family was now complete.

That is so beautiful.

Also, sensing a trend with the number four…

What’s on my heart

I feel in my bones that I’m not done. (This is not news to my husband.)

I love being pregnant so very much. There’s such a wholeness knowing that I am doing what I was made to do: grow a whole baby, bring it into the world, and smother it with love. So I feel like if I don’t have (at least) one more of my own I am wasting an opportunity to fulfill my purpose.

A while ago someone visiting our home (it may or may not have been a family member I will leave that to the universe) addressed my third child as “the last one” and I was inwardly seized with an “excuse me?” When was that decision made? Cuz it was obviously made without me, I say tongue-in-cheek.

Anyways…

Yes, being prego-sauce is a magical experience and dear oh dear does it get real hard there at the end… There is discomfort and there are sacrifices. But it is all so very worth it.

I’ve got to see it all, too. I’ve had an epidural (thankfully for those 17 hours of labor and waiting for my first), had a rather sudden 3-hour delivery at home in my own bed, and then had an induction (sans epidural) to avoid another (or even more sudden) birth at home.

These are core memories for me, hands down. And I wouldn’t trade any of them (the memories or the little persons) for anything.

The known unknown

With confidence I can say: only the Lord knows if there is another soul to add to our little family.

In the meantime, whenever I find a few minutes here and there (I’m seeking for consistency in this amid all the other priorities) I am striving to strengthen my foundation, core, and overall wellness. It will be a little bit before I am once again running 5 miles as the run rises or re-discovering those triceps and obliques… but I will continue to be that soft place for my kids to land.

There is absolutely nothing quite like being a mom, having the literal front-row seat of the best stories of all time, watching each kiddo grow and become their own little person. There are aspects that only the mom gets to witness–and it. Is. An. Honor. The best thing in the world and yet the hardest since I know that out there in the unknown are their big grown-up futures that God has already penned for them.

So, I’m hugging them close today since they will never be this big–or this small–ever again. But I was there for it. All.

Talk to you soon!

P.S.

Before publishing this post, my little family and I went to meet the newest baby cousin. I wondered if I would feel envious, wondered if I would feel discontentment with what I don’t have.

By God’s grace I am so thankful to say that I felt neither.

There was just pure celebration for them and when we parted ways I found myself holding mine a bit tighter.

It will be okay either way if it will be “us five and no more.” But let me just shout from the rooftops that I am 100% pro-life.